I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
