So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
