he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize