I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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