just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
