Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
