I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
