Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
