Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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