omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
