Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
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Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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