I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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