I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
