my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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