8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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