but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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