fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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