I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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