just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
