My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
