3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wish there were birth control emojis
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
