I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
