My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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