Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
