Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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