the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
