and you said cock pushups were impossible
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
