I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
