Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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