I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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