so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
