I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
