Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
