I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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