oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
