quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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