hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
