I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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