Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
