ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
