So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
