I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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