dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They took my balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
