why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just high enough for therapy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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