I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
