I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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