Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
