Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
