I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
