I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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