OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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