Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
