i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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