You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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