Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize