and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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