My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He had one of those small greek statue penises
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
