He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
