i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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