You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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