I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
