Whod you bang
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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