Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
