I CAN MOONWALK!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
