used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
