is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
