she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
