How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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