is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
