i just made my gag reflex go away.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
