Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
