My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
