I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
