in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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