I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I love you.
Bad choice
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize