If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
