Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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