I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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