Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
