I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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