Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
