so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
