i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
