ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
