Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
