just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
