Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
