it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
