there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
