woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
