Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
