hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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